I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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