Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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