i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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