I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize