I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
