I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
