this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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