he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize