When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
