Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
