Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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