My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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