I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
