Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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