Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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