Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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