i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
