To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
