Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
