I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
