My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
