hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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