New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
