i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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