He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
