weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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