It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He passed out mid-signature
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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