i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
