conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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