We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
