Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
