a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize