First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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