Buhtt sex?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
