I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
