I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
