so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
