after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
