Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
