I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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