I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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