this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
