why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
