i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
