To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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