remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hippo gnu deer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
