we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
