Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
