So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
