Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
