Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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