he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
