shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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