you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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