Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
