boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His nipple licking is glorious
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