i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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