I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize