they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
