You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His hands were made for my vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
