if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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