a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
