Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
