I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
