I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
