Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
