I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
