Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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