he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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