Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
