I think my vagina is haunted
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize