peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How does it feel to date your dad?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
