Kiss
Puke
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
