i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
