My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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