I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
