I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
